THE 803 VOTES

The party lasted a day and a half; the crowd gigantic, and the security tight. The party purposed to produce a standard-bearer, between the Herdsman, the Fedora and the Headtie, for a bigger, general party coming up in April when other event managers will compete with participants of last week’s party to bring about an overall leader for the kingdom. The process is called Daemon Crazy or, as the strange one (Fela Anikulapo Kuti) called it, Dem All Crazy! And indeed, the daemons are really crazy.

The event managers had perfected plans to prevent the Herdsman from emerging as the standard-bearer by any means necessary. Warnings were given to the people’s representatives who will aye or nay at the event that whoever supports the Herdsman will be ‘fished out’ and punished. To let the message sink deeper, they had gone the bizarre extent of arranging and labelling the receptacle of the representatives’ wishes according to their states! That way, they would make sure no one got clever and voted as he wished. In the end, it served a dual purpose; the Fedora got the cowards’ votes and the Herdsman got to know the Judases. No one was to exercise their free will or give support according to a contender’s leadership traits or manifesto. People’s representatives were coerced, intimidated and threatened to tow a predetermined line. Preaching the gospel of free and fair selection was just a façade. The daemons are indeed crazy!

That party protracted deep into the recesses of the night, nay until the late hours of the morning of the next day. All participants were seated patiently for hours on end. Do we see such calmness and civility in mosques and churches? Can any evangelist, Muslim or Christian, hold his flock’s attention for that long? Some of the Muslim participants forgot to offer zuhr, asr, magrib, isha and (next day’s) subhi salawaat for the period that the party lasted.

Each of the contenders gave five minutes address on why he should be chosen above the other to lead the kingdom. It became apparent from their speeches that both were rhetorically challenged. Only the easily gullible could be carried away by incongruent ideas and inconsistent thread of thoughts. Their handlers have done a bad job of polishing their speech delivery skills and their public speaking ability. No wonder then when people like that are beamed on foreign television stations, a transcript of their words is run under the screen for viewers to make some sense out of the gibberish they utter! Don’t marvel at this or attribute it to the fact that the Herdsman has not ‘read’ much. The English language is so elusive that it, often times, fails even holders of PhD (not to mention their ignorant consorts). No wonder, also, that the handlers of the Fedora spared no effort in preventing a televised debate on national issues suggested by the Herdsman. People who cannot think for themselves, and who are, most of the time, visibly unsure of what to say next, should not appear in public debates that will be broadcast live around the world. I don’t desire to comment on the speeches they delivered on that day or the inaccuracies inherent in them. There will not be any purpose in that for the selection was not a corollary to what anybody said or promised to do. The outcome was known to the daemons days before the gathering. The people’s representatives have been cashed and carried already.

The whole plan became plain during the counting of the votes cast. The Fedora got almost all the votes from his region; only a negligible few went to the Herdsman. Also, the Fedora got the approval of majority of people’s representatives from the Herdsman’s region. A healthy hypocrisy by ignorant fools who sold their souls, dignity and region for a miserable price! Were they really representing the region’s people?

There was this text message sent on Friday (the day in which the result of the voting was announced) invoking God’s curse on some ameers (leaders; the actual plural is umaraa) of territories under the Herdsman’s region, who worked for the emergence of the Fedora as a standard-bearer in that charade. The text-message described the ameers in ecclesiastical titles for their part in betraying their deen, region and their own, urging recipients to forward to as many people as possible. I did. Two of the contacts on my mobile telephone to whom I forwarded the message responded. The one said ‘...this is too hot o!’ I’m only forwarding, I answered, but wallahi, I concur…; ‘ha hahaha’ was his answer; the other said, ‘…you mean you don’t take exception to anything on the text you forwarded…?’ I said yes; from the ecclesiastical description to the invoking of God’s curse on them, I don’t take any exception. Don’t you think, I asked him, that what they did was similar to ‘…whoever would turn their back on that day… have turned with Allah’s curse….’? His next text read: ‘I cannot but agree with you my brother…’

Whenever they find themselves in a position to make a decision between their people, region and deen on the one hand, and their selfish interest, personal self-aggrandisement on the other, they opt for the latter. Even the Herdsman was not immune from this; when he deputised for Do-or-Die Politics in the White Mansion, he cut off all links with his own, his region and deen, to the extent that even such titles as Alhaji, etc were expunged from his name. He deemed obedience to his boss was more important than adhering to the teachings of his deen, and investing in his people, even if not for anything, but his own political future. Now, Do-or-Die Politics has ganged up with the confederates and Judases of the Herdsman’s region and deen to ensure that ‘I dey laugh’ will continue to laugh.

The votes from the Fedora’s region have shown that the people prefer their own, their deen and region. They spoke with one voice, and the message was clear: the next leader MUST emerge from among us; there is no other option; while the Herdsman’s people were beset with dissention among themselves, internal strife and hypocrisy, selling their region and deen for a numbered naira and some dollars! They chose the Fedora without recourse to what that may symbolise for worse things to come in the political future of their region and deen.

Some territories have done us proud – ko dame kazo an fika (you are superseded in whatever you bring), the Shariah enclave, territory of the Caliphate and environs! If all had been as honest and as conscientious as these, this show of shame would have been averted.

The Herdsman’s region has only two options in the forthcoming general party in April. That party is indeed general because it covers the entire kingdom, everybody will take part in all territories. The region should be wary of splitting votes between War Against Indiscipline and Anti-Corruption Crusade. The remaining genuine elders of the region who are not yet possessed by the crazy daemons should speak with these two contenders with a view to merging them into one.

The general party will have an invitation card. No one will be allowed in without such card, and everybody has to register now for it. Registering for the voters’ card is a national, regional and religious responsibility. We all must make sure that we attend the party and have fun!